Casual Love

I’ve been thinking a lot about love, relationships and sex. Everyone has their own unique viewpoints on these subjects and how they correlate. People's viewpoints usually correspond to their age, what phase of life they're in and the way they've been raised. I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no point in getting married unless the end goal is to procreate.  To me marriage is not about sex and passion- that’s infatuation. Marriage is actually a contract to say- I’m committed to being in a team with this partner and when we have children we will be committed to raising them together and caring for them.

That’s why people put their partners through so many emotional tests during the trial period of being in a relationship. They are, in effect, trying to figure out if the person they are with will be a good mother or father. That’s why we go through many partners trying to weed out the ones we are compatible with from the ones we are not. Why do so many people wait ‘till they are ready’ to get married? Ready for what? To be committed to procreate.

Many of the qualities people are looking for in a mate are biological. For example, why do so many women want to get with men that have money?- So their children as well as their own selves will be cared for. Why do rich short bald guys want to marry leggy models? So their potential offspring will have a better gene-pool to work from!

I don’t care what anyone says, after many years of having sex with the same person, passions of the flesh fade what you’re left with is a tender companionship and friendship. Inevitably, if two people who are married don’t end up having kids, there’s not much glue to cement the relationship.

So, if someone doesn’t want to have kids right now, is there really a point in being with someone on a long term basis? Is there any point in having a committed relationship where you can only have one sex partner? The way I see it, there is no point, unless you’re bored and lonely and just wish to have some sort of regular companion.

This brings us to a philosophy that I have called ‘Casual Love’. It’s not casual sex per se. casual sex is with random people you pick up late at night drunk at a nightclub and when you wake up in the morning, more often than not, you would chew your arm off to get away from them. In my opinion, this is pretty base and should be avoided. Casual love is a bit like a mini-relationship but one that you know will not end up in marriage. In a casual love relationship, you enjoy a person’s company and accept them for exactly who they are foibles and all. You spend time with them and have fun together and you hopefully you also have loads of great sex. The thing that’s missing is the attachment and the demands that you make in a regular relationship which might be ‘going somewhere’ (heading towards marriage and procreation).  You know that in a casual love relationship that it will eventually end naturally-it can be a week or several months, but it will end. When that end comes, there’s no tears, just acceptance and good memories.

Many people, especially women, will find this concept alien since people have been brainwashed to put love and sex on such a high pedestal. Even when the person is all wrong for a woman, she may become ‘dickmatized’ and try to get Mr. Wrong to be in a committed relationship. Why waste your time and energy really?

I do believe that men are biologically programmed to spread their seed far and wide, which is why most of them- given the opportunity- will be playboys. Women, on the other hand, are the ones submitting to be possibly impregnated so they generally try to guard their treasure and not give it up to every caveman that humps their leg.

Anyway, as a newly single person, I do feel that casual sex encounters should be avoided since they are not good for the soul, but I have no desire to be in a relationship either. Therefore, if I meet people who I’m physically and mentally attracted to, I am more than happy to share love, light, laughter as well as physical pleasure with them in the present moment.  There’s nothing sleazy or wrong about that is there?