Doing Dubai

My nomadic lifestyle had never brought me to the Middle East before, but I had a few friends in Dubai- so I decided to stopover to check it out on the way to Europe for summer holidays. What’s my impression of Dubai? Well, it has the cheesy nouveau-riche glamour of Monte Carlo, the phoniness of Las Vegas and the diverse cultural population of Singapore. Dubai has a mix of Arabs from around the region, western expats and unskilled laborers from countries like India and the Phillipines. Though many Arab women are covered up from head to toe in their black burqas, foreigners can pretty much wear what they like around town. You will get stared at if you wear something too revealing though. You can also get alcohol despite the muslim law- however some establishments do not serve it at all.

 Real estate is the biggest business in Dubai and buildings are sprouting overnight like mushrooms. Glance at the skyline and you see a city full of cranes, construction sites and half-built Arab-inspired skyscrapers. Many expats are moving to Dubai to make a quick fortune in the real estate boom, and some people are making so much money that they’re practically printing it!

As a young city, Dubai is still in the process of defining itself. It has no history hence there isn’t much in the way of culture. Money is the culture. In fact, there’s so much liquid cash being thrown around in Dubai that if you’re only worth 10 million US dollars, you’re considered poor. Many inherited oil wealth and some people never worked a day in their lives so they don’t know the value of earning it the hard way. If you live or work there, at some point you’ll inevitably encounter a breed of arrogant people that think they are better than everyone else and treat others like indentured servants.  

Needless to say, Dubai is very blingy with all the fancy cars, massive yachts and high-class hos clad in diamonds, gold and Cavalli. No one makes any apologies for being materialistic or for having a gas-guzzling ozone-eating sportscar or SUV. Cars are a favorite topic of conversation in Dubai. I never learned so much about car makes and models. I literally was having a conversation with these people who didn’t even say the car brand. They were just like- “The 997 is so hot but if I had a choice I’d go for a F430 or an SL5.” Then they were getting on another friend’s case for having this silver BMW convertible. They were saying it looked like a hair dresser’s car and were giving him such a hard time about it. Anywhere else that car would look good but if you’re a real dude in Dubai, you drive a Porsche, Ferrari, Maserati or Lambo. I was so lost. Did people really care about this stuff? No matter how immune you think you are to status, power and wealth, if you spend more than a week in Dubai, you will find your values shifting to find these things important.

Anyhoo, I was staying in Jumeirah beach and the weather was mercifully mild and windy for the time of year. The water was as warm as bathwater and equally as clear. Cars can pull right up onto the beach. Around my hotel people were young and trendy and big groups of people would camp out and have picnics on the beach. I don’t know why but there was also a Bedouin tent set up on the beach with some camels hanging out near it.

After beaching it all day and exploring the Mall of the Emirates, (There’s an indoor ski resort inside!), I met up with some friends for a sunset sheesha at a place called Madinat Jumeirah. Madinat is like a village which has a recreation of a historical souq and two Arabian nights themed hotels. There’s a pretty creek that has a view of Burj Al Arab, a seven star hotel which is as ostentatious as it is iconic. All along this creek are charming restaurants which are great places to watch the day turn into night.

We inhaled the smoke of the grape and strawberry sheeshas and drank wine until some other local expats came to join us. I was entrusted to the latter party and we went to Dubai’s hottest new nightclub called ‘New Asia’. The night before, there had been 600 people lined up waiting to get in but they were filled to capacity. Luckily the peeps I was with were connected enough that it wasn’t a hassle to get in. New Asia is the Dragon-I of Dubai. There were big windows which offered an awesome view of the city and lots of people were drinking magnums of champers with the sparklers on them. Apparently this sparkler tradition was invented in Monte Carlo in the 80’s or 90’s. The crowd consisted of Lebanese, Arab and Indian Romeos macking on C-class models from Russia and Eastern Europe. There was also a sprinkling of Europeans and Americans who worked in real estate.

One British guy we were with was so sarcastic. He was saying how one nightclub called Barasti was so bad he re-named it ‘Slim Pickins’ due to the lack of good-looking gals there. He also said that there was a handful of beauties in town but most of the girls were c-class gold diggers posing as ‘models’. This was his imaginary dialogue with one of them.

“Hi, my name is Irena from Russia. I’m a model”

“You’re not a model you silly tart. I wouldn’t even sleep with you. What are you modeling? your mouth around some sugar daddies cock?”

Funnily, I shared a cab ride home with a very blonde, very tan woman who just got separated from her cheating husband. We were also sharing the cab with the funny British dude. When we dropped the blonde woman home, I could swear that she was trying to get both of us to come up to her place for a nightcap or perhaps a bit more... but we declined.

The next day, all my newfound friends and I met up at the pool of the Royal Mirage to nurse away our hangovers. Royal Mirage is arguably the most beautiful hotel in Dubai. Something about it just feels ‘real’. There are manicured gardens, lovely places to eat, a pristine beach with neeto umbrellas. Even the towels were cool. We watched the sunset on the beach and checked out the yachts and all the models in g-strings that were on them. In the distance were the construction cranes of the palm Jumeirah and the sail-like silloutte of Burj Al Arab. The sun sank before it got to the horizon because apparently it disappears into the mountains of Iran in the distance. It was so windy and sandy the sky was kind of yellow and obscured the mountain range. It was still a sight to behold.

In 3-5 years Dubai will be a completely different place. It’d be very interesting to revisit then. For the moment I wouldn’t say I liked Dubai as a city nor do I like the values that people have there, but I did really enjoy my experience of the city and made some amazing new friends.