Life is a blip. Let's live.

I'm in the States at the moment. It's so weird to be back in obese, reality TV Bush-ville after not having visited for a year. The food is really starting to taste different to me. Things seem sweeter, saltier, greasier and more ever more processed.  (unless you go to specific restaurants or cook healthy at home).

This artery-clogging fare is the reason why I'm in the States in the first place. My dad,who lives in Las Vegas, is sick with cancer. He's had a terrible diet his whole life. He fried everything and even put salt on his mangoes. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen him eat a green vegetable in his life. My grandfather lived to 89 years old so it's apparent that my dad's illness is a direct cause of his poor diet.

He had an operation and chemo for his colon cancer and for a year he's been eliminating wastes into a plastic bag (colostomy bag) instead of the toilet. Poor thing. He tolerated the treatment well and just went on living his day-to day routine while ignoring his illness. This includes continuing to eat bad food at the all-you-can-eat casino buffet. What a tough guy.

Just recently, he was supposed to get the colostomy bag removed but they found out there were some new cancer spots on his lungs and liver. Not many people survive liver cancer and the chemo is harsh. He lost his hair and he's been suffering as a result of the cancer killing drugs. He still tries to live life the way he wants to and my parents never asked the docs what the prognosis was or how long he has left to live. He just figures he'll croak when he croaks and he might as well continue to do the things that comfort him.

My dad and I have nothing in common. We have little to talk about and I would never choose to live my life the way he does. When they moved to Las Vegas, I became somewhat estranged from them because I hate Las Vegas with a passion and my visits just naturally became very infrequent.

When I was a baby, they sent us abroad where we had maids, drivers a fancy school and a priviliged life with caretakers. I never got attached to my parents during these important formative years and thus in my life have not been the kind of person that easily gets attached to people for long periods of time. I always wanted to meet new people and do different things instead of having the comfort of routine.

Anyway, you cannot choose your family, you just have to love and accept them for who they are. They just did their best from what they knew. I sometimes feel like my parents should not have had kids. People say to me "Then you wouldn't be here" I tell them "If I was never here, I wouldn't know what I was missing".

Anyway, I'm really sad that I haven't been the most accessible daughter. As Kalil Gilbran says parents are the "bow from which the arrow flies". Too bad this arrow flew so far away. If there is something to be learned from this sad story it's that we need learn how to accept and love others for who they are. While we are on this earth together try to laugh, connect, and respect each other as much as possible. Most of all we need to forgive and this includes forgiving ourselves. The only thing I can do now is to make the effort to be closer to them.

God help my poor dad. If you're reading this blog, don't forget to tell your parents you love them today.