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• Out of the Dark into the Light...The Original Urban Warrior

  2010-11-09 5:11PM / 標準BLOG / 會員可以看
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   So I have been MIA-ing ...BIG TIME ...especially since my last blog which was forever ago...and now I am ready to blog seriously.....so much has happened and there is a heap of stuff  I have been wanting to blog about but I don't feel as if I can until I write about the 12 months which have given me a whole new perspective

  
  
  The last 12 months have had me out of my comfort zone in every way possible. 12 months ago I found out my dad had cancer, 5 1/2 months later he was taken away from all that loved him, that was 6 months ago. My dad never got the chance to come to Hong Kong , meet all the amazing people I have met and who are my family here. I know who I am today is because of him and i'd like to introduce to you my dad ..... Mukund R Raval, the original urban warrior. 
  
  
  I have been planning on writing this entry for a while now but it seems harder than I thought it would be, how do I explain how much this person meant to me.... I wrote two pieces while I was looking after my dad , one was for The C Word , an exhibition of works by cancer survivors, sufferers and those close to them that was exhibited at Artistree in Tai Koo in June / July . The other was most difficult, the speech I had written for the funeral.  These are pieces I would like to share with you.   
  Nothing Is the Same for C Word

  
  

  Nothing Is The Same

  It encapsulates you

  It is relentless

   It took you away from me

  But I will always be your little girl

  Made me feel uncertain

  My future changed

  Everything changed

  The words don’t come right

  The house doesn’t feel right

  Nothing feels right

  And I’m still waiting for you to come home … 

  It is relentless 

  In me people see you…

  Only 28 years and so much still to do

  You will not dance me down the aisle

  You will not hold my first child

  No more will you hold me when I break

  No more will you wipe the tears that you hate see fall

  No more will we laugh and share a smile

   They say

  Time is a healer

  I hang onto every word

  Like I held on to you

   It is relentless

   Tell me its gonna be ok

  You said that every time

   You fought on 

  The warrior you became

  The strength you had

  The pain you took

  You knew I was hiding to be strong for you

  You told me

  You knew 

  It is relentless 

  But, You fought on

   You left smiles on everyone’s faces

  You left kisses on my forehead

  You left me wanting hugs that I wish would last forever

  It took you away from me

  I had to let you go

  It took you away from me

  I told you to go

  You held on for me

  But I had to let you go 

  It is relentless 

  I am lost

  So lost without you

  You were strong and you fought on

  It stopped you from moving

  It stopped you from eating

  It tried to stop your spirit 

  But you fought on

   You took pain beyond its limits …

  You smiled throughout the discomfort….

  You laughed in all the hospitals…

  Your hands, your feet tapped to your favourite sounds…

  You made nurses smile with deliveries of chocolate  

  It is relentless

  But, You fought on 

  Your will is broken

  Still you fight on 

  This relent-less-ness

  This rest-less-ness

   This Cancer is unforgiving 

  The break down in tears

  The fear of the moment

  Medications that seeped through

  Medications that held no barriers

  Held no barriers for you 

  It is relentless

  And you fought on 

  Til your last breath

  Your last heartbeat

  You fought on

  You fought hard

   You protected your fears from me

   I became somebody through loving you 

  I struggle, I fear…. 

  In me you live on

  In me I continue your legacy

  Through me I show you the world

  Through you I experience

  I gain strength

  I do not forget

  I move on with your hand on my shoulder 

  A warrior til the last breath….a legend…..my legend 

  We did everything day and night

  But there’s lies the hurdle

  The acceptance of life

   You were calm and the storm was inside you….

  You were calm and the storm over took you….

  You were calm….

  In this storm that I now face….

  Walk by my side and take me to calm….

  
  

  The Last Speech

  I am and always will be my daddys little girl…..

  Dad was a true soul man ..i liked calling him daddyo or daddy cool cos to me that’s what he was ….some of my friends nicknamed him the Indian Fonz ..it suited dad to a tee…

  To me dad was the original urban warrior…taking life day by day as it came to him….

  I am the luckiest most bless’d girl …my dad was SO different from other dads I knew…he partied with us ….i worked with him. I shopped with him… .watched football with him ….he took me everywhere …my favourite places in London are because of him….we hung out together and he guided me

   All my passions are because of dads influence…cooking …politics …travelling…music ….dancing… I really loved watching dad dance  sing and laugh I am blessed that the day that my brother got married me and my dad danced down embankment together …..

   Dad was adventurous and a risk taker and pushed me to take risks, break boundaries and face my fears he wanted me to experience everything ..everything that life has good or bad …..he wanted me to see the world as it is and find beauty in everything ….

   He taught us to respect everyone no matter what, creed , colour, background, or situation ..he never judged   dad took people as they were and for who they were …I love that he was like that …he taught me to appreciate and experience everyone’s cultures and learn about people …to appreciate what we have been blessed with and to not shy away from those who didn’t have but rather offer them a hand ……

   My dad was a man of ritual my favourite was dad needing his comb and his watch and him looking in on me as I slept just to make sure I was ok …

   I am very honoured that god gave me the opportunity to really care and look after dad when he got sick and I would do it again and again….. dad made light of his situation, he joked and laughed he named me his surgeon my brother his doctor and my mum his nurse…even at this age and being so sick he would let me snuggle up next to him in the morning and at times I would still pretend to be asleep just so that he would stroke my head ……I did that a lot when I was younger just to get his cuddles and affection

   I cannot express to you all the wonderful things dad did for us and showed us …all I can say is that everything that I am is because of  dad… dad I became somebody through loving you..

   Dad would want us to say thank you to everyone who has had a moment to think, see, talk to him since he got sick your  prayers and thoughts have helped to carry us all through the last 6 months

   We love you dad so very much and  miss you every moment of the day… I will always be your little girl….

   ….We are cool kids because of you…….

  The next two weeks will see me take one of the most sacred journeys I will ever take on. A 10 day trip to some of India's most holy places, where with my family we will perform my dad's last rites. I know this journey will be hard but I also know that it will be open up my world and somewhere in that journey I will find a sense of peace that I have missing. To my  HK family, I am eternally grateful everyday that you have held my hand so tight through this past year. 

  This is for you Dad, the original urban Warrior. 

  much love and peace