ゴキブリ

I was fresh home from the Warlords premier, trying on a new blazer I bought at H&M, when I glanced into the kitchen to find an unwelcome intruder.

It was an amazing coincidence, because it was only about 4 hours earlier that stunti and I had a short conversation snippet about cockroach killing techniques. Stunti's advices was to NEVER squish a cockroach because it might be a female carrying eggs, thus spreading more cockroaches around and even enabling them to invade your home on the bottom of your shoes! So how, I asked, are you supposed to kill them?
"Windex!", he replied. Hmm, I thought Windex was supposed to have curative effects. Well, here was my chance, 4 hours later to give it a test. Unfortunately, I didn't have any Windex, but I did recently go cleaner shopping and had Tilex instead. I  think that Tilex is more caustic than Windex, no?

I sprayed and the cockroach actually charged me! Panicked, I sprayed some more and managed to send the little bugger retreating to a corner where i could no longer reach him. Well, according to stunti, they kind of eventually shrivel and die after a while.

I waited about 30 minutes doing other stuff then returned to the corner and moved the furniture away to claim one ゴキブリ corpse. But to my horror, there was none to be found. Having just come from the movies, images of botched assassination attempts and revenge came springing to mind. In particular, I had recurring images of eating a plate of spaghetti and, after slurping up some noodles, finding a grinning cockroach buried underneath.

Luckily, my consternation was short lived as the cockroach crawled out from the kitchen looking at me, quite perturbed. Ok. No messing around with wussy chemicals this time. SMACK! Crap!
I can't help it. I'm squeamish about squishing anything with a skeleton: that crunching noise. Or the POP when the guts come out.
Well, I managed to maim it enough to send it onto its back with its nasty legs running it nowhere. But I didn't want to pick it up while it could still possibly crawl. What if it got loose and started crawling up my arm?? So SMACK, I hit it again. But I half missed again. It's legs stopped running, but every now and then it's legs would STILL twitch. Plus its antenna were still actively doing their antenna-ish thing.
This was starting to get ridiculous. SMACK!.

Well, if this was a female, I'm in BIG trouble. Guts and bug juice went squirting EVERYWHERE.
At least now I don't have to worry about cooking spaghetti any more.