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• blabbers...

  2008-04-18 8:27PM / 標準BLOG / 會員可以看
  13個評論

  recently, many things have happened which made me take a long, hard look into myself, my life, my friends, my friends' lives and whoever else's that comes up to my mind. what is integrity? what are your values? do you have it? what's your character? do you have a good one or a bad one? what is good and bad in the first place? what are your expectations of life, of your family and of your significant half? human beings are really complex with infinite layers to peel, to explore. sometimes it gets frustrating. sometimes u tell yourself, just take things easy. take life easy, take yourself easy. then u feel better. you feel better until you start to think, hey, we can't take things so easily! we only have one life to live! and then, the whole routine starts again. haha perhaps the teachings of buddhism are right. living is a form of suffering and the only way to get out of this cycle is to find enlightenment. now you can understand why i choose to take up buddhism and proclaim myself a buddhist, don't you?
  
  even before this period of tough times, sometimes when i'm bored or whenever i feel like it, l will look hard within myself and then i will give myself a task to describe myself. how is lawrence like? well, the good thing is (or is it?) my answers tend to be similar. depends on how you see it, uniformity is also something to be happy about right?
  
  the funny thing is, i'm sure many people, when asked to describe or to sum up another person, he or she will usually give inputs that are totally different from what the person is thinking about himself or herself. for example, what i think of myself is definitely different from what others think of me. so who is right? haha
  
  from my point of view, lawrence is a really simple guy. i'm sure many will disagree due to the image i portray through my blog, my job and hear-says from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend (the list goes on). but what's important is what i think of myself. isn't it? you give your own self-worth.
  
  lawrence don't smoke, don't drink, almost never club. heck, he don't even have much friends! he only has 3 close friends whom he hangs out with and that's it. though he thinks that one only needs to have a few good friends and that will be sufficient for life. he is also one who cherishes his friends a lot.
  
  his life consists of work and then home, work then home, work and then maybe meet one or two of the three close friends, then home, then work then home. on days when he don't have to work (sometimes, it can be a hell lot of days!), he stays home and sleep, and watch tv, and eat biscuits or instant noodles and then sleep again.
  
  people think that he must have a lot of friends, must lead a damn glamourous life, must be rich blah blah blah... WRONG! people also usually think that his love life must be damn happening or that he must have a lot of people lining up for him... WRONG again. It's the total opposite. i'm extremely shy in real life. i'm awkward when i meet new people. my shyness often render me useless in conversations. i can't pr well unlike other artistes and that's a bit no-no in my profession. i mean sometimes if i'm on form, i can pretend that i'm out-going and chirpy and stuff but i don't enjoy it and it takes A LOT of hard work and usually, it just proves the point further that i'm better off staying at home sleeping.
  
  lawrence is a family-oriented person. he loves to be around his family. he can fly over to countries like taiwan, thailand, vietnam, indonesia, china etc and easily find work. his type of look sells a whole lot better over there. but he just can't bear to leave his family behind while he go and fulfill his dreams. he just can't do it.
  
  sure, of course he has made countless mistakes in the past. but who doesn't make mistakes? the most important thing is to learn from them and never repeat them again. the second time u repeat a mistake, you can only blame yourself and no one else.
  
  ultimately, he feels that the most important core in life is to be kind and compassionate... to oneself and to the people around him. to always give your best no matter what you do, to always have an open and positive attitude towards life and to always include love in your everyday life. love for yourself, family, friends, animals, nature and if you are lucky enough, your significant half.
  
  people can judge you, can say negative things about you. but you know best. it's hard but try not to judge. it's only wiser not to judge. and don't ever verbally spread things about people or friends, even if they are true. this is what lawrence believes.
  
  oh yea, lawrence also loves animals to death and he hates any form of animal cruelty. he loves esky. i'm sure you know that, don't you?
  
  by the way, i'm neither down nor worrying about other people's perception of me. this entry came about more because of the things that had happened to people around me...