Returned.

gosh, i have no idea how long i havent logged into alivenotdead.  most of the time, i spent my freetime logging to my hotmail, yahoo, friendster, facebook and ebay account checking for mails but spent the longest time in facebook because of pet society.  found it to be a really cute game, simply got me addicted to it.  its always good to blog once in a while because only then i will have more things to share about.  you know i'm not a celebrity and i dont have any fancy pictures or events to share about, i'm just plain jane living in a simple world but thats fine.  i'm pretty happy with life.  what's next, well...i'm resigning my current job, woo hoo...felt abit sad because i'll be missing my colleagues and joining my best friend's company as a stock broker.  aint no expert in the stock market but will be undergoing training; thats for sure.  we'll see how it goes.  somehow or rather, i've always wanted to linger around the entertainment industry but i dont know whats holding me back.  could it be i really i have low self esteem in myself?  sometimes the so called "beautiful" people in the industry scares me...its like you will only find people who are very beautiful/handsome, slim and fit and super talented in many ways.  omg, just why am i so negative, hahaha...if there is any reason why i want to be in the entertainment line is because i've always loved to perform and entertain people.  i mean i've been doing ballets, chinese dance, hip hop dances, some short acts and singing in both elementary and high school and to have people applausing to your performance is so much more you can witheld within your own feelings.  the signs of recognition.  fame?  i dont know. but i simply love it.  who doesn't?  i tried modelling for fashion events and i kinda get to know that backstage, everything looks different when you are on stage looking your best, doing the catwalk etc..but then again, i just love it.  i love it when we had to change our outfits in such a short time and making sure we look our best before we walk on stage again to strut out our best outfits; the challenge..smells really good.  it can be really tiring especially after the whole event, you still have to stay around and mingle with people who are in the industry, get to know the big bosses etc.. but it seems like a sense of achievement for me.  why am i hesistating again?  i dont know..hahahaha..i need to build up my self esteem again, dont know why..maybe i have been hiding behind walls for quite sometime now..hahahaha...anyways, i hope to see myself in the entertainment line someday..not saying it would be easy for me but i just need support, moral support i guess.. well, thanks for reading my blog. hope its something interesting for you guys to read..

god bless,

vanessa