...
Every minute passed
Has seeped through a cloth
That was meant to be a sheet of steel.

I poured my heart into a disguise.

And there you stood -
Hunching, feeling no shame...
Watching as my sweat and tears
Came rushing down...
Down the waterfall containing
All the heart in which I poured.

My body felt nothing,
But my mind fooled me
Into believing that my back and my limbs,
And mostly my heart and soul
Ached with throbbing, burning pain.

And there you stood -
Hunching over, and feeling no shame.

©2007 Olivia Thai

Free and understanding,

I opened up my heart for you.

The tenderness that

I have hidden so well

Has melted away

For the comfort of your being.

This feeling, this joy

That I allowed myself to indulge

Was all that was felt

In this moment, in this timestill.

The moment in which

My soul touched yours

And became emotionally immortal.

Emotion.

The emotion that I could only feel

When I am with you

Could only bring me

Peace, beauty, heart, soul, happiness.

Though this feeling of divinity

I so foolishly perceived as eternal

Was washed away slowly

Over the days, months, years

I thought it would live.

And now lay what is left of me…

My broken soul.

©2007 Olivia Thai

I can see fine,

But many times

I find myself being blinded

By “truth”

I find myself giving in

And believing all I hear…

Allowing a complete stranger’s power

To overcome my own train of thought

To choot-choot over everything which I knew of

Making my opinion minuscule and disgusting

It drowns me under a deep pool of water

Where my lungs cannot function

Where my heart creates explosions

And it becomes incredibly difficult to endure

This entrapment felt

Is believed to be “truth”

… But I can see

Just fine.

©2007 Olivia Thai

Hello,

My name is Olivia... I'm a singer, songwriter, actress, musician, and on alivenotdead, I plan to publish my free-verse writing.  Although I am supposed to be cramming for my history mid-term, I am here - posting my first blog entry on alivenotdead.  Hehe... breaking the stereotype is fun. 

So here's a little introduction about me & my writing:
Most of the pieces I post here will be pieces that have been ... marinating ... in my notebooks for years.  I do have new pieces, but they are usually handwritten, so they go into my notebook before they hit the internet.  The pieces are centered around my family, relationships, life, people, and rarely, myself.  Therefore, the pieces I write are extremely personal.  They are raw - very much unedited - they just express how I feel at the moment.  I call them "pieces" because I don't want to call them poems, songs, monologues, spoken word... because they're not.  They are just writings that I needed to jot down in order to express certain issues I was going through at the time.  At first, I was hesitant in deciding to publish my writing because I had written them for myself and only myself - they were written because I needed an outlet to express my anger / frustration / pain.  Most, if not, all the pieces are dark, sad, and gloomy, which is ironic since I am an overall pretty positive person.

I look forward to sharing my works with members and visitors of alivenotdead, and I hope that I can connect with as many people as I can reach through my art.  And now, it is time to go back to reading about ancient civilizations.  Good night, love.

- Olivia

Note: my alivenotdead profile is not intended to be flashy or glazed with caramel - it's just supposed to be real and raw... filled with substance and food for thought...