I Am A Child Of The Past

I am a child of the past.

I see, feel, and hear with my heart, and sometimes I attempt to put it in logic. But I will always live in the past.

I wonder...

Would so much be different had certain things not happened?

Would I be where I am at now, had not...

My uncles died?

I moved?

The one I loved decided to move on? 

I opted to stray away from acting?

I continued to pursue school?

I wonder, with a considerable amount, what would be sometimes.

As much as I wonder with a considerable amount, what WILL be.

Time is a scary, scary, factor indeed. So many logistics change.

People, places, things, the world and universe itself.

I wonder if at any point in my life, will I be able to be stable?

Will I find my purpose and continue forth?

Will I find the one person that will be able to understand?

Will I myself, be open enough to understand this one person?

Will I be able to make my parents proud? My family?

Will I be able to face the challenges and obstacles ahead of me?

Of course there is no solution or answer I'm looking for. It's all merely a facet of my mind and thoughts opening up. I can only hope that I will continue through my journey and be able to adapt with my surroundings.

Yet it's a wonder. So MUCH has changed for me in the past 2 years. And even looking back on those who have kept up with me.

9 years.

12 years.

15 years.

18 years.

Friendships are astounding. Better yet, its astounding I've been able to keep so many, and gain so many more.

Life continues to surprise me daily, and reassure me that for every bad is good, that for every loss is gain, and that for every moment there is another ready to take its place.

I struggle to continue to be optimistic, and yet, I continue to be optimistic so others know there's someone there. Perhaps caring, perhaps hoping the best for them.

2 years can do alot to a person, and sometimes even to think back...

It was like only yesterday..

Being 22 years old seems SO insignificant. I have SO much ahead of me.

And yet, I've experienced SO much in my wee 22 years. Some things I will always cherish. Some I will regret. And others I will never wish their experiences upon anyone else.

But there's always time for something. Always time to change. Always time to amend and grow and learn and experience.

Always, these words continue to go through my mind:

"There are important things in life besides work. Don't put them aside, and don't forget about them, because you never know when it might become too late..."

I try to remember. I try to learn from people's mistakes. My own, the world's, and my peers.

I am a child of the past.

I can only go forward so much, before remembering where I came from.

My mind being the way it is, I can never forget the moments.

The little details.

The good, and the bad.

Everything is so vivid, even to this day.

I'm learning, little by little, to open and to grow.

To love and to laugh.

To express and to create.

I'm learning to accept.

My life.

My experiences.

My surroundings.

Myself.

I hope I'm a better person, or at the least, continue to strive to be a better person as I grow.

I can only do so much, and I am only human.

So we'll have to see, and I have to hope if this is true.

If I have become a better person.

If I can be the right person for a lot of people.

If I can be a good friend.

A good son.

A good companion.

Sometimes writing openly is a good way to express.

And sometimes it can lead to interesting encounters, or thoughts.

Right now, it's probably what's best for me.

One day I hope it'll change.

But with my luck, it'll probably happen before I know it.

I am a child of the past.

Time tends to change without me realizing it, and sometimes it's wonderful to see so much change.

And other times...

It's horrifying.

I am a child of the past.

Whether you like it or not, I live by memory.

I love by experience.

And I cherish by recollection.

I observe.

I watch.

I wait.

I calculate.

I am a child of the past.

I lead with my heart.

And for all its faults, I love it.

I am who I am.

A child of the past.

From Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Mexican.