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  • "Your victories don't define you. What defines you is what you do when everything else falls apart." -- Bill Wilson

    "When you seek revenge, dig two graves." -- Confucius

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  • New Company Policies

    2008-08-27 1:00PM / 標準BLOG / 會員可以看
    2個評論

    New Company Policies

    Effective immediately



    Dress Code

    It is advised that you come to work dressed
    according to your salary. If we see you wearing
    Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
    you are doing well financially and therefore do not
    need a raise.

    If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
    your money better, so that you may buy nicer
    clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

    If you dress just right, you are right where you need
    to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


    Sick Days

    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as
    proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the
    doctor, you are able to come to work.


    Personal Days

    Each employee will receive 52 personal days a
    year. They are called Sundays.


    Bereavement Leave

    This is no excuse for missing work. There is
    nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
    workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
    employees attend to the arrangements. In rare
    cases where employee
    involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
    scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
    allow you to work through your lunch hour and
    subsequently leave one hour early.


    Toilet Use

    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
    There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
    stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
    sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door
    will open, and a picture will be taken.

    After your second offense, your picture will be
    posted on the company bulletin board under
    the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught
    smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
    company's mental health policy.


    Lunch Break


    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
    need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
    Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get
    a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
    Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because
    that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.






    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are
    here to provide a positive employment experience.
    Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
    complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
    insinuations, allegations, accusations,
    contemplations, consternation and input should be
    directed elsewhere.


    Happy New Year,
    The Management

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