As I get older I find it very difficult to understand us as human beings. What separates us from plants and animals is that we have a great deal of feelings and emotions, we have the capability of giving compassion and yet , some people decide to live their life as robots with their cold-blooded, ruthless actions. 

I understand we all have different levels of emotions, but I'm genuinely curious as to where people find the ability to hurt others and not give a shit. That itself is some sort of skill. 

I know I'm still young but my experiences seem to slowly but surely confirm my loss of faith in mankind. There seems to be no such concept of trust, loyalty, faithfulness or compassion; people live with no principles and no morals. 

The future of this world relies on humans and I hate to conclude the future as bleak but, I think it's going to take a lot for me to be able to restore trust in something so stranger as the human being. 

Of course, we can't let 2013 slide without a reflection....

2013 has been a whirlwind of a year. Whilst I've had some of my biggest lows, I have also had some of my biggest highs. I guess it all balances out. 

Well, 2013 started off a toughie. From falling in love for the first time, to experiencing my first ever heartbreak. Love should be an epic experience, a story filled with total bliss; unfortunately I can't describe that feeling because I fell into a painful love. 

During these times, you remind yourself of those cliche sayings, "it's a lesson learned", "you'll become stronger", and whilst I wish the pain of falling in love with someone for them to rip your heart right out would lead to some kind of positive impact, the truth is, the emotional scar is the greatest legacy. 

Overcoming that pain was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I became a different person and the scariest thing is, when you cannot even recognise yourself, you feel like there is no solution, you're at a dead end. To be honest, I also cannot explain how I made it through; I guess the important thing is I never gave up on finding myself and I had a strong desire to not let the situation eat me up. 

Now that a significant amount of time has passed, I can say it has made me stronger and I have really learned my lesson, but the legacy unfortunately remains the same. That emotional scarring leaves you untrusting, cynical and skeptical in creating any kind of relationship with anyone. Maybe I'm still in recovery progress and I still blame myself for being so faithful and foolish, anyhow, I'm just happy I'm back to my normal self. 

Meanwhile, as I'm dealing with that emotional pain, I am able to celebrate something great... Graduating from university!!!!!!!! I may be stupid in love but I will never be that stupid to let anyone jeopardise my three years of hard work. It was doubly special because I know for my mum, it was her biggest wish for at least one of her four children to hold a bachelor's degree, and I was finally able to grant her that wish. My parents were super happy on graduation day. 

However, going to university for me is very different to how people nowadays perceive education. I genuinely went to university to study, learn and enhance my knowledge in my field of choice, as oppose to seeking the status or obeying the instructions of society - quite apparent in many fellow classmates. Your degree is not just about the subject or label, it's the legacy of your hard work, passion and discipline. Study to learn, not to pass an exam. 

Nonetheless, after graduation comes the inevitable hardships. Stepping into the real world. My field of choice is television broadcasting, which like many industries, is extremely ambitious and competitive. I gave it a good try anyway sending my CV (or resume) to a million different companies, no matter how enormously big or tiny of the tiny. Unemployed for four months and I really felt like the world was against me. I am a hardworking, determined individual but nobody wanted me! I had many responses getting through to various different stages but none were successful. Until finally.......

A very big mainstream broadcaster came my way, I was sure it would be like the rest of them, but little did I guess, I had my first interview, second interview, reference calls and BAM! the job was actually mine!!!! It's like a dream come true. I was worried about just finding a job, let alone finding something this big and amazing! My first day was so surreal, I was watching mainstream TV being put together and pushed out. I would have never guessed I'd be working in a mainstream newsroom as my first graduate job. This is a blessing. It's also particularly heartwarming as it is very common for people to look down at media students, as they call, the "Mickey mouse subject", people always question, "what are you gonna do with a media degree though?", well to those ignorant fools, IN YOUR FACE! Any degree is useful for a given individual, as individuals we have different interests and different goals, it is not people's place to tell them what is useful or not! Furthermore, I come from a slightly work-class background, so to be able to break that boundary and prove we are hardworking people who just need opportunities, is a big bonus. 

So, that is how I ended my year and I guess, how I will be carrying on in the new year! 

For struggling people out there no matter what background or troubles, NEVER let negative people discourage you! Carry on that determination and just wait for that day to come where you will see how all your hard work and efforts will finally pay off. As you can see from the beginning of my year I really couldn't see a single light at the end of the tunnel- although I was a graduate, with the big scare about graduate unemployment I was continuously worried that I'd fall in that trap, especially knowing so many people around me who graduate and don't find a career path. But, I didn't let that stop me. I am just so grateful I can finally see the result, what a great way to end the year!

So altogether, let's hope for an even bigger and brighter 2014! 

P.S. How did your year go? Maybe you were going through some of the same things as me? Share your thoughts!

Anyway, when I came back I started to read some of my old blogs. It's quite surprising to read back on your stuff and see how and what you were thinking back then.. It's like, omg, this is me?!! I guess it's like reading back on a diary- as I don't write diaries it's a very weird feeling. I've wanted to write diaries just so I can have this time of reflection of my past, but, because I'm not used to such a habit, I feel silly writing to myself, which I know I shouldn't. 

My last real blog was in 2011 and then literally once in 2012. It's crazy how much has changed since then; now coming to the end of 2013, how much I've grown, matured and experienced in one year. 

Looking at how precious these old blogs have become I feel like I should continue to write. Or at least make an effort to write some things. What's great about this site is it's far away from my social media contacts. I think this is where I feel like I can express myself without being judged- as all of you don't, or shouldn't lol, know me! 

Let's hope I can do it! 

One thing's changed for sure and that's my age. I'm looking at some of these old photos and albums on here and I'm cringing like mad! So tempted to delete them but thought, hey, that is also a part of my thinking back then. Let's update a little of the new me! 

Anyways, thought I'd drop something to show I'm still alive! Lots has happened since my last blog but I won't bore you with it now. Definitely should do some photo blogging though. Some amazing photos from my trip to Thailand! 

How about something to laugh at...

WITH LOVE

Katie xoxo