Ode to 2008

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNdEu9s5qUU

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How this business used to make me smile.
And I knew if I could make you laugh
By pointing out all Palin’s gaffs
Then maybe you’d be happy for a while

But September last year just seemed funny
When Northern Rock became “Virgin Money”
Four blunts for Cayne’s airplane
Another before his bridge game

I can’t remember if I joked
When I read about how much Cayne toked
But something made me feel so broke
The day…that Lehman…choked.

So bye bye any chance to refi
Lost my Porsche just this morning
To some real “repo” guys
And my good old boys
Are looking up old allies
Saying I can’t believe my career up & died
How the hell am I going to budget my wife?

Did you underwrite those subprime loans,
So idiots could buy their dream brownstones
Just ‘cause Fannie told you so?
Did you believe in mortgage rolls?
That repo could save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to trade real slooooow

Well I think that I’m in love with gin
Cuz it’s the only thing that numbs the pain I’m in
I just kick off my shoes.
And make the bartender turn off the news

I started out a young Lehman swine
With a decent paycheck and bad pickup lines
But I knew that I was in a bind
The day Countrywide declined

I started singin,
Bye-bye, to the stock market highs
Bought a Chevy from the dealer
Cuz the rebate’s so high
But my good old boys say kiss your money goodbye
Cuz the Big 3 seem about to just file
Yes the Big 3 seem like they’re gonna file

Now for six years I’ve been at DB
And moss can’t grow when you’ve got mouths to feed,
Cuz private schools, they sure ain’t free.
When Wamu stock seemed oh  so cheap,
”Too big to fail, this is too easy
”If it goes down more, I’m tripiling”

But while Paulson’s plans seemed oh so sound,
Fuld flew the plane right into the ground
Merrill Lynch was auctioned off
Giving us all some more writeoffs
And while Bush read his first econ book
It was plain to see that our goose was cooked
And we held longs til we got spooked
The day…that Lehman…filed

We were singing,
Bye-bye, to good old Countrywide
Wish I’d been a “Friends of Angelo’s”
Man oh man, what a ride
But now that over-tanned dude, he’s just trying to hide
Screaming “please don’t let them put me inside
I’m a boytoy if they put me inside.”

Oh, how the stock market went in our face,
Now we’re a generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So cash be nimble, trades be quick
Please help my PA get back up a stick
Because bonds are the devils only friend.

And as all our stocks continued to fade
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
It seems no angel born in hell
Could break this econ’s spell

As stock markets fell both day & night
And customers whined “man this just ain’t right”
I saw Einhorn & Ackman laughing with delight
The day…that Lehman..died

And we keep singing,
”Hide, hide, oh please let me hide
Got long oil for my bunker at $145.
Now all my good old boys
Are saying I can’t refi
I’m thinkin this might be the day that I die
This might be the day that I die.”

My subprime traders sang the blues
And I asked them for some happy news
But they just groaned & turned away
And the three men in contempt I hold:
Gasparino, Paulson & Dick Fuld
They made our market blood run cold
The day…that Lehman…filed.

And we were singing
Bye, bye, to the stock market highs
Sold my Chevy back to the dealer
Used the cash to refi
And those hedge funds boys
Go on CNBC & just whine
Singing “redemptions made my fund up & die
My leverage’s gone, I could just cry…”