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• Disorder in The Court ... just because

  2010-08-08 7:05PM / 標準BLOG / GackDuck / 會員可以看
  4個評論

  This has been floating around the web for a while.

  Always made me grin.

  Looked for it because it makes me grin.

  I had to deal with lawyers all of Friday.

  I REEEEEEEALLY needed that grin. 

  Snippets from a book called Disorder in the Court - things people actually said in court ... 
  ___________________________________________________

  
  Q: What is your date of birth?
  A: July fifteenth.
  Q: What year?
  A: Every year
  ___________________________________________________

  
  Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
  A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
  ___________________________________________________

  
  Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
  A: Yes.
  Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
  A: I forget.
  Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?
  ___________________________________________________

  
  Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
  A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
  Q: How long has he lived with you?
  A: Forty-five years.  
  ___________________________________________________

  
  Q: And where was the location of the accident?
  A: Approximately milepost 499.
  Q: And where is milepost 499?
  A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
   
  ___________________________________________________
  

  Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? 
  A: After the accident?
  Q: Before the accident.
  A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
  ___________________________________________________ 
  

  Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he 
  doesn't know about it until the next morning?
  

  ___________________________________________________ 
  

  Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he? 
  ___________________________________________________
  

  Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
  __________________________________________________
  

  Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th? 
  A: Yes.
  Q: And what were you doing at that time?
  ________________________________________________
  

  Q: She had three children, right? 
  A: Yes.
  Q: How many were boys?
  A: None.
  Q: Were there any girls?
  _________________________________________________

  
  Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
  A: Yes.
  Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
  _____________________________________________

  
  Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
  A: By death.
  Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
  

  __________________________________________________

  
  Q: Can you describe the individual?
  A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
  Q: Was this a male or a female?
  

  _________________________________________________ 
  

  Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that
  I sent to your attorney?  

  A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
  _______________________________________________
  

  Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
  A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
  ________________________________________________
  

  Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
  A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
  Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
  A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
  _________________________________________________
  

  Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
  A: No.
  Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
  A: No.
  Q: Did you check for breathing?
  A: No.
  Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
  autopsy?
  A: No.
  Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
  A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
  Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
  A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
  somewhere.