Do You Know Where You're Going To?

My 25^th birthday!! It didn’t take me long before I realized I’m not a young girl anymore.

Still remember the time when I was a kid, my only wish was to grow up quickly and become strong enough to fight against the people and things that may hurt me. Ironically, as time goes by, I found growing up is not fun. Instead, it means you have to take more and more responsibilities and don’t even think about escaping because life is so real.

Although sometimes I do enjoy looking at things with a maturer attitude and dealing with things in a more sophisticated manner, I really don’t like the world I’m facing from the perspective as an adult. Everything is so fake and unfair.

And what’s worse, I’m still incapable of protecting myself as I wished. Moving from place to place is the way I lived during the past years. One of my friends said it was a sign of lacking the sense of safety. Well she’s partially right. As for the rest of it, the ‘moving’ action needs courage and determination as well—the courage to accept the challenges of changes and the determination to make myself a better person in a different world.

Fortunately, I never stop heading towards my dream and making things happen. Generally speaking, my dream is to know and feel more about being alive (not dead^^); more specifically, my dream is .... a secret. It’s getting closer but still a long way to go. Since it seems kinda out of reach, I would easily get lost once in a while and then keep asking myself ‘do you know where you’re going to?’, and wondering if I could achieve what I’m hoping for and be happy in the end. With no way back, I’m motivated to stick it out. On the other hand, I have to take the risk of regretting missing the other possibilities. But it’s actually no big deal since I will never know how great those would be. After all, life itself is a one way journey.

Thinking about the future, I couldn’t be very optimistic, given that I've got to know my limitations after all these years. But there’s no need to be so negative, at least every day brings a new beginning and especially I shall make this birthday a new chapter!

P.S. Now I know why I never blogged before. It’s so much easier to have the thoughts just running in my mind....