How to be a good daughter..

so my dad's on his regular dose of "Tiger beer" on a weekend night, and everytime he drinks too much, he gets so emo, gets angry easily, talks too much nonsense.

and how was i to know i'd come back home to an angry dad?

i was out clubbing last nite, came home at 4am, and went out again today to support my friend's stall at a flea market (and try selling off some of my stuff too).

dad is angry about that.

i know he is ALWAYS worried, that me coming home late, is really dangerous... and i really understand where he is coming from.

but i'm already 24 years old, when will he stop worrying for me?

i know i'm sounding rebellious here, and i may not understand from a parent's point of view,
but really, how do i show, and how will he ever understand, that i'm already 24 and i know how to take care of myself?

in his eyes, i'm still a little girl, i guess.

or not.

since he said the only time, that i've ever been 'good' in his eyes, was when i was 5, and i took out my own allowance to pay for stationery when he said he didn't have any money.

then he said i've "changed", and went onto the 'wrong track' (i can't type in chinese here, but it is wu4 ru4 qi2 tu2, if you know what i mean).

so a change of lifestyle (by not beng a nerdy girl who always stays at home and study all day), and going out more often, having a nightlife,
means that i'm a BAD GIRL now?

how is that so?

I HAVE A LIFE!

what's wrong with that?

why can't he accept it?

doesn't mean i'm a CHANGED person. i'm NOT!

yes i may be spending more money, going out late, but i'm still studying as hard as i can. i've never shown any disrespect to him, or to my mum. i love them more than anything in the world.
why must he be so upset with me? and let me feel like, i will never ever be the 'good daughter' in his eyes again?

(i'm tearing up as i write this, and it's blurring my vision)

i have another comment to make, but i'm not writing here, 'cos i know there are some ppl who may see this, and then tell that person whom i was about to comment on. (it lies along family lines)

and because my dad is such a stubborn, traditional and narrow-minded person, how am i supposed to move to the US (even if it's just for a few years) to be with my bf? when he'd definitely kick a big fuss, and i can imagine him saying that i'm leaving home and never coming back, that i'm an unfilial daughter.. etc..

i don't want to choose between my dad and the love of my life.

but it's just so hard to talk sense into this stubborn mind of his.

sigh, this is soo depressing, on a saturday night, and i locked myself in my room.

maybe i can be a role model daughter, by staying at home all the time? and not go out, like, after 9pm?
then i'd just be feeling miserable all the time.
and he's never ever understand.