once again

so the boy has left for combat training yesterday.

we talked online for one last time the night before yesterday.

and yesterday evening, before he boarded the plane, he gave me a call. it felt so good to hear his voice, and i resisted from crying.

he said he sent me an email, turns out that he recorded a voice clip for me.

that 9-minute long clip, made my heart sink altogether again.

i told myself not to cry, that everything will be ok, yet when i listen to him telling me things that no one has really said to me, and his reassurance, i just melted and cried.

flashes of memories, how we met at Seaworld last summer when i took up an extra shift at the restaurant he was working at.. and how i didn't have the courage to start anything because i knew i was leaving. yet we chose to take this leap of faith, and continued this relationship.. me going back in December and in June this year, to make this work.. it's just amazing how far we've come.

yet i always let my mind take over my heart, doubting this and that, not willing to trust my feelings and emotions.

i'm never good at expressing my emotions, i just wish i can tell him how much i love him, that i've always loved him.

once again, i am missing him so much, and yet there's no way i can let him know, til a month or so later. sigh.

i love you, i've loved you all along.. and i miss you.. been far away for far too long. i keep dreaming.. you'd be with me, never let me go.  - Nickelback, "far away"