finding the "right" direction

Thank You everyone for your kind words about me being upset...  I feel better today... *hugs to everyone*

I was feeling okay last night until I got a phone call from my uncle... the same uncle that gave me a nasty lecture earlier the year (some time before graduation)... and with me feeling a little confused and out of it, I really didn't want to talk to him on the phone b/c I knew exactly what he wanted to talk about...  seriously, I wanted to cry... but I held back the tears... I was stuck on the phone for almost an hour... throughout that hour, there was a lot of silence on the phone...

it started with my uncle asking me, so what's new? nothing. that was my answer... I was being honest... there was nothing new... *shrugs* so basically the whole conversation was my uncle asking me what I wanted to do... and how I was going to do it... he felt that I was rather negative (thinking that I'm not confident in finding the job and that I was "wasting my time") but in reality, I'm not negative... I know that design is very competitive but it doesn't discourage me... I think I need time to explore... I just want to soak up some design "techniques" and styles... and hopefully take that with me for jobs or other projects...

he asked me if I needed/wanted to go back to school... I said I don't think I need to... but he said that was a horrible answer... seriously, at this point, I don't have the energy in me to go back to school nor do I find it necessary... I still haven't step foot into the industry yet... I think after stepping foot into the industry and finding what I'm being put up against, I will know whether or not I need to be further educated (so to speak)...

the thing he doesn't know is that I'm going to HK... actually none of relatives know that I'm going to HK... the idea was briefly mentioned after my graduation... some relatives were happy and excited for me.. some were not... my uncle was not... so I can't tell him just yet... he said it before that I should wait until after I get a job so I can pay my way there... well he doesn't know that I've been saving up money to pay my own way there... *sigh* anyways... I want to go to HK for fun and also to explore... I want to see what the design industry is like there...

anyway... some time along the conversation he said that I was setting a bad example... *argh* whatever... but he tried to change his words saying that yeah I did great in school with honors, but to do even better is to set an example by showing that I can work well in my field... but doing better is a never ending road... there will always be room for improvement... it will be up to the person to know when they think they have done good... being compared to other people is only going to add pressure on yourself... that's what I think... *shrugs*

but I know... he asks because he cares... but most of the time his words are so harsh... it kinda drives in a negative direction... I guess I don't give him enough confidence that I can do okay... oh wells...

okie... I gotta catch up on the feeds... Thank You again to everyone for your kind words...