"I'm not crying Vickie, I got something in my eye..."

One of my coworkers has a daughter named Vickie.

I take Vickie to the movies to help keep up her English.

Sometimes, Uncle Sean doesn't want to take Vickie to f@#$ing Tung Chung just to see the English version of whatever is playing, so he has sat through Disney movies in Cantonese with no subtitles.

But it is worth it, because Vickie is a wonderful kid and I need the practice.

With Cantonese, not with kids.

Although Vickie's mother chronically asks me when Vickie will have a cousin. I tell her I have to find a willing participant (big challenge), start with dinner and a movie... it's a long process.

At least for me it has been.

It's more fun taking Vickie. Less pressure. And no wine. Yeah, it's better. No arid Eurotrash art films. Alvin and the Chipmunks. Ratatouille. Bee Movie. In fact, I took Vickie to a movie on my birthday. (Western) New Year's day, too.

That kid rules.

I wanted to take her to Speed Racer, but Mom said no. Just as well. That movie had more knowing gay jokes than a whole season of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

She is always amazed that I can understand the plot without language when the movie's in Cantonese, but I just tell her that I'm not in a coma, so Walt Disney is pretty easy to grasp.

Well, Monday is a public holiday. I guess Mommy feels Vickie deserves a treat. So Uncle Sean has been tasked with taking Vickie to see Mari and the Three Puppies.  

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Well, I know what I'm going to do, but I don't know what I'm going to do about that.

Dog movies make me cry.

I hate it. I avoid them like the plague, because I simply can't avoid copious face leakage. It's sickening. To me, I mean.

There are some other movies that make me cry, and I don't mind, but I just can't stand dog movies.

Everything I read about this movie says it makes everyone cry. I'm doomed.

What happens if/when Vickie starts crying? What am I supposed to do? I'll probably be crying too.

I'm gonna traumatize a little kid because some f@#$ing Japanese dog survives an earthquake.

Is that fair???

The movie's not even in English. I should exercise my clause right there.

But its a long time until Kung Fu Panda.

And Mari probably has English subs.

Okay, I admit, I know it does. Someone told me.

Dammit.

I couldn't even stare at the floor. I'm too masochistic. And I'd get bored, 90 minutes of it. I can't fall asleep; Vickie might feel offended, and that would bother me.

Strange, watching bad things happen to people rarely makes me cry.

But hey, f@#$ 'em. As often as not, they brought it on themselves.

Dogs usually suffer because of some sh*tty human.

Who, because it's a kid's movie, doesn't get set on fire at the end, like they ought to be, for mistreating a dog.

Maybe I just think that a lot of the time, dogs are better people than humans. Dogs forgive you, dogs love you, dogs are loyal, and they trust you until you beat it out of them. Dogs protect you, they are always happy to see you, and they seem to take great pride in being part of your pack.

So why would I want to watch a movie about a dog suffering?

Sure, dogs hump your leg sometimes, or they sh*t in the house, but I've had roommates like that; you cope.

Are those good reasons to make a movie about a dog suffering? I think not.

I mean, who'd watch a movie called Mother Teresa Gets Her Ass Kicked?

And what about Vickie? What will happen if she sees me cry?

I don't care if other people do; f@#$ them.

But I'm afraid I will upset Vickie. It's always my biggest fear when I am responsible for her. Because I don't (or won't) know what to do.

Yeah, she needs to learn that grownups cry. And she needs to learn that even huge tattooed grownups like Uncle Sean cry. But can't I have a little... help? A backup? Just in case? Can I get an extra grownup? You know, a spare?

Let's face it; that kid loses it in (the 98% Chinese) public and I'm going to jail. No questions, no pauses.

Because of a f@#$ing dog.

I'll go. I have to.

It's Vickie. How can I not go?