On Being Inked the F@#$ Up
2008-04-29 2:21AM / 標準BLOG
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Someone asked me to take pictures of all my tattoos and
explain them.
Someone else may not believe that explanation, but what can I do?
I'll try to explain them as best I can...
1 - First tattoo: Seattle, WA,
July 1990. Right shoulder. I found a $50 bill on the floor of an IHOP. It
commemorates my commitment to something. The commitment turned 20 this year.
2 - I got it on my 13th
anniversary in 2001. I triple-checked it before I got it done.3 - I always loved Pushead's completely overstated images. This
thing is so over the top it's funny. I did this as a video project for a
Nonverbal Communication class during my
Master's. When Dr. Cummings realized what I was going to do in the video, she
almost fainted. But she still uses it to this day to show students what 'grade
motivation' really means.
4 -If I make mistakes or do things wrong, at least they come from honesty and not deception.
5 - A Far Side cartoon once
showed God kicking ass on a game show. I thought it was the best image of God I
had ever seen. Yes, I know Leviticus 19:28.
6 - Puzzle pieces, unjoined at center. They go all the way around the inside. Yes, across the tender part.
7 - My 13th anniversary. I designed it myself. It's my lucky number AND my shoe size.
8 - Jimmy Ho Tattoo, Jordan,
Hong Kong. He tattooed Ti Lung and Chan Wai Man.
I like that they are not identical. I get a lot of stares when I go to saunas.
9 - This is Celtic for “All things belong to the brave,”
their explanation to the Romans for handing the Etruscans their own ass. If you get tattooed across your sternum,
you will never have to prove your bravery ever again. It was so painful it was
fascinating.
10 - The Van Halen 1984 tour mascot. Be careful whom you
trust.
11 - Spicy hands. The best definition I ever got for this
phrase was a person who would solve problems by any means, often creating a
larger problem in doing so. Nolo contendere.
The University of Rhode
Island Ram. I graduated in 1995. It is not an
expression of Rhody pride. In graduate school, one of my students was murdered
by a police officer during his senior year. He was going to attend medical
school, get a commission in the Navy, and marry his fiancee. Do a search for
“Prince Jones” with “Carlton Jones.”
The Fist of Gonzo. Hunter S. Thompson once said “Buy the
ticket, take the ride.” Be responsible for what you do and accept the
consequences. If you conduct yourself that way, the scope of what you can do,
and get away with, is mind-boggling. I took this in the mirror, then reversed it. That skin color is called "TV Tan."
Magic Tattoo, Jordan,
Aug. 2, 2001 Hong
Kong. I sat in a chair facing a clock while Omar did this. Ten
minutes after he starts, a pack of goo
wak jai come into the shop, and one of them pulls up a chair right behind
me and watches. And smokes. You know that feeling when someone’s behind you?
But you can’t move, because someone is drilling your collarbone. It took 93
minutes. I know because all I could see was that f@#$ing clock.
Everybody needs a snake. The inside of your arms are
very sensitive!
Inner right wrist. It's a GREAT 'Tight-Ass Detector.'
In the US,
they used to have signs saying “No dogs, no sailors, no Irish.” The dog has a
sailor hat and a four-leaf clover on his chain. The banner underneath is Gaelic
for “Kiss my ass.”
Bill the Cat from Bloom
County. I got it to remind me that
back in the 80s, people said I looked and acted like him. Ack!
Chynese Tattoos, TST, Hong Kong,
2005. From a cave painting. I used to hunt deer with a bow
and arrow. Not those modern ones. Like Robin Hood.
Magic Tattoo, Jordan,
Hong Kong, 2006. My 40th birthday present from a
pack of research
subjects who worked in the horizontal refreshment industry. I
find it appeals to my crasser nature.
Ace Dragon Tattoo, TST, Hong Kong,
2006. Gabe does amazing work. This was 3 hours for the orange, then three more
hours for the black. But it was worth it.
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