Wishing I was in Melbourne...

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the passing of a very special woman, Diane H, the mother of my ex, Amir. 

She moved to London from Australia at a very young age and it was there that she met her husband. And later, she moved again. This time to Malaysia for her husband and it was there that they started their family and had 3 children - Adam, Sophie and Amir.

For many years after, she battled cancer but no matter how sick she was, she was always there for her family. When we were in Melbourne, Amir and I would run about town buying her Tim Tams and Krispy Kremes before our flight back to Malaysia. And upon returning home, she would lecture Amir about how fat he was and me, about how much and what I was feeding him.    
I have never seen a more perfect family. I'd often turn up at their house and see her sitting side by side with her husband watching TV and I always wished that my family was as perfect. Some people say that there are no perfect families but I knew them for 3.5 years and I thought they were. A perfect family is one that loves, even through moments of disagreement. A perfect family is one that is always loyal. And they were. 

I admire a few women in my life, my mother, my grandmother, a family friend (Aunty CP) and Diane H. She was beautiful, even in her last moments in ICU. She was strong and had character and I never needed her approval because no matter what she thought of me, she was one of the few people I liked and respected unconditionally.

I was in Xinjiang filming when she passed on but there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my last moments with her.

The day I was due to fly back to Beijing, I had asked the family for a few minutes alone with her. She was sedated at the point and I hadn't seen her awake since the last time I was  back in KL but I spoke to her anyway. I told her that I admired her, that I thought she was one of the best mothers in the world and that she'd done everything for her family. Then, I told her not to worry and promised to look out for Amir, no matter what happened between us and that I would see her the next time I came back to KL.

And then I saw tears falling from her eyes. She had heard me.

So even when Amir and I broke up and he pushed me away, refused to speak to me, I tossed all pride aside to make sure we were in contact. To this day, I am determined to keep my promise. We're good friends now and speak almost every day online so I know that he's ok but there is nothing that I wouldn't do to protect him and make sure he stays that way.

As much as I wish she could have overcome yet another battle, life doesn't always turn out the way we want it to. I hope she's somewhere better and I know if she is, she's no longer in pain.

I miss you Mrs. H. I think about you a lot. 

I wish I was in Melbourne today so I could be with Amir because I know he's not OK today.