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• Apologizing with Integrity

  2007-10-27 10:00PM / 標準BLOG / blog / 會員可以看
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  Thanks to something Mark Allen recently posted, here's something to help you start the forgiving process.
  
  Recognizing when you're wrong, admitting a mistake and making geniune amends is an important part of any relationship, and yet mastering the sincere apology can be challenging, in part because none of us likes to be wrong, to be caught short or to have hurt a friend, loved one or colleague.
  
  Some do's and don'ts from "The Art of the Apology," Harvard Management Update, April 2003, can help you repair damage small and large.
  
  1. Find words that are clear and accurate - not provocative.
  A good apology should make the person wronged, think, "Yes, he understands." Often what the offended person wants is accountability and vigilance; he wants to know that it won't happen again.
  
  2. Don't apologize for the wrong thing.
  People and institutions tend to apologize for what they find forgivable. If there is no clear relationship between what the offender is apologizing for and what the offended experienced as the original wrong, the apology actually exacerbates the problem. At best, the offender will seem blind to the problem.
  
  3. Don't think in terms of an "expression of regret."
  Instead, your goal should be actually communicating your regret, that is, getting it across to the person. Expression is one-sided, as though one were getting an apology off one's chest. Communication, however, occurs between people, and an apology needs to work well for the other person to be effective. Take the focus off yourself and keep it on your counterpart and the three elements of an apology - acknowledgement, regret and responsibility.
  
  4. "I want to apologize" is not an apology.
  It's no more an apology than "I want to lose weight" is a loss of weight. Do the work. Deliver a clear, direct apology; don't hide behind vagueness, indirectness or cliches.
  
  You may not be able to control whether your apology is accepted, but you can control its quality. So make every effort to control what you can. This will increase your chances of feeling good about what you have done with your apology - instead of feeling bad about having to do it.
  
  Taken from a recent YMCA newsletter.