Childhood story after my baby era....

Okay since Mommy_Mok brought the subject up, I thought I'd join in. She's not the only one who's had it hard as a child.

As most of you know I live out in the boonies of California...  Mostly hispanics and a couple of caucasians, so yes after my sisters were done with that school I was the only asian. The elementary I went to seemed nice. At least for the time being until people even my so called friends started to tease me and throw things at me. Even steal my personal possessions out of my back pack and desk. During my 8th grade yr, last year there. They set up this whole plan to mess with my head.

They got a boy in the 7th grade to ask me out. I just looked at him as a friend. So I didn't know how to answer. Next thing I know everyone of those so called friends were around me pressuring me into dating him. So okay, I gave in and said yes. grr....A couple of days go by, just holding hands and what not, nothing really happens really. But I remember every time we left school we were on different school buses his was next to mine when take off, so each time we'd say good bye, we'd wave to each other and exchange looks. Eh... But then I got dumped one day. Say 2 days after Valentines day. I think...it's been a long while. But ya, after the break up right on the very same day, we leave on the buses, some guy goes to my bus window and I guess knocked on it and made me look at the supposide ex I have. I looked and smiled, everyone just laughed at me. I didn't know what was going on at all. Utterly confused, I just positioned my self back onto my seat the usual way and looked frontwards to the driver who smiled and usually just waves at me to say hello. He's well known to my family, great guy! So then after he did that, I felt better. The girl next to me, she just kept laughing and she was shoving the whole thing in my face. Then said, "Oh I feel so sorry for you", ect. Had they nothing else better to do? I mean really?

One day I didn't attend a school game because I was sick. One person calls me after she got home. She yelled at me, because they lost the tournement. And some how because I wasn't there, it was all my fault?? C'mon give me a break

Baseball season came, no one wanted to become the catcher, oddly I get pushed into being the catcher, when knowingly I can't catch per crap. So guess what they did. Made me target practice each and everyday. Yes...I did get hit various times even by bats, I even ran off and cried. Teachers always came in to tell them to stop, but every chance they get, they'd punish me.

As a little kid I was happy, but during that time it was actual hell for me. I never opened my mouth to defend my self, I never fought back. The teachers always sent me to the principals office. I never wanted to go. I was literally dragged into the office by 2 girls. Those girls also had part in teasing me. So I had nothing to say. It was all their saying, not mine. I just sat their crying my eyes out. I was forced to nod my head at what those girls said.

Graduation week comes. A guy behind me tells me he's going to beat me up on the last day of school. Everyone else just stares at me. Then I ask others why. They said, cuz he can.

I actually got an apology from 1 person out of 20+ people. I've respect him for it.

Psychologically I know what it's done as well, it was covered in my psych class. It helped me understand why I'm in such a manner. Then I wonder the "what if it didn't happen", I'd just never mind it because then I think that I might not be as nice as a person as I am now.

So as for the person you've been chatting/talking with online is the some what the real me. I love smiling, I love attention and I love laughing. I'm a child inside. I still watch cartoons....so much that I'm writing my own.  haha I still have my stuffed animals.. *giggles* but none of this side of me is ever shown in person. Yeah I collect weapons...I like the shiney-ness...they are my "bling" haha! I like how people react to when I tell them I collect weapons, they get scared off. It's just funny to me.  I'm not much girlie either. No make up, no peircings which Peachey wants me to get my ears peirced...me precious ears *covers them* hehe. I don't really act girlie either. Unless you see me snuggling next to my stuffed animals.  I can't sleep without them.  hehehe keep that a secret. No dresses, nothing too short. Hair always up in a pony tail. You've all been lucky to see me with it down, that's because that was by request.

In high school with my guy friends, yes I had all guy friends. They all protected me. Such nice sweet guys. They brought out somewhat of the violent me. Taught me how to protect my self from people. That's where I got my nick name "Chung Li" haha...trust me...all of them crossed their legs for a good reason.  I don't do that now, so guys, you're all safe. Except when you get me mad...so watch out..haha I know how to defend my self now.

Now college..uh...5th year starting on Aug 27....due to my late change in majors...but I'm happier now. I'm not as great with people. I will always sit and observe others and see which ones I can approach for weeks on end. So far I have not picked the wrong ones. I like listening and I like helping others as much as I can. But I don't really get personal with people. I don't know whether or not to. I don't know how to open up to them. I always hear people say don't think about negative things, so I dare not. I dare not push buttons and ask personal things. I am a serious person at most times, but when I'm relaxed and I don't need to think of things much, I really just love smiling.  

Still waiting for the day I can show the real me. But in the boonies...uh...I'm stuck like this for a while...