I've been hired without really noticing it + man trouble / UPDATE!

Ya..as the title reads...haha  I just didn't know I was already hired on the spot during the interview. I said I was interested. I was thinking since the teacher said that I'd have to get "Approved" first then I'll be offically hired. Actually I turned in my papers today, and they said that "you've already been hired" ...oh...okay! Those 23 pages were just to be on file, nothing to do with approval.

But yes! I get to work at my own leisure and at home. Correct HW is all I'll be doing. But it's nice, I get to learn more stuff that I missed out on. Well..if I did.

I'ma get paid now!! YEAH!!! My dad was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle 5 hrs a week. C'mon..1hr a day...The interenet is such a distraction to me, I need to have someone kick me off of it. This job will do it. I'll be able to study more and do work which is PERFECT!!!

Man trouble...so I played it off as if I didn't know what the guy meant by "I was giving you a heads up, but I was a little too late".

I asked R, what heads up he was trying to give me and if he was trying to hint something towards me. I told him to be direct with me cuz I don't take hints too well. In fact, I never do really.

I don't want to jump to any conclusions with R. He's awefully sweet and funny. My type...well I've pet peeves...R doesn't really fall into my top #1 spot for a type that I'd really love because of those pet peeves. I think my expectations are set a little "too" high when it comes to finding a right one.  I'm just really really picky...

I'll be getting a response from him later on tonight or tomorrow. I'm not sure. Maybe the guy was just trying to tell me to stop being so shy or reserved..I don't know.

But if he is really interested, this lady is really scared! Scared I tell ya, scared crazy! I don't know what to tell him. Sure he's cute and all...but then I'm not sure.

I'm not sure fully to the extent of if I'm scared of just being in a relationship or that I'm scared because I don't know how to handle another heart break or that I'm scared because...yes...okay..I'm saying it. I'm innocent! I don't know if I'll be taken advantage of which is really easy...lady has a "yes" factor to her that I can't say no to almost anyone I like. Do I like him? Honestly if I didn't have a crush when I first met R, I did say R's pretty cute!  But I don't really know him at all too much. I don't know if I would like him differently if I didn't have a crush at the time. Did I overlook the guy?  I just know he's really nice. Know him as a co-worker type since he was in my accounting class last semester and we had a group project/presentation together.

I don't do well with men. Most of you know that already. I don't know how to be a gf at all. I just know that I get overwhelmed by the feeling of liking someone that I'm not able to be myself around them. Yes..I'm silly, I know. Am I running away from someone who could potentially be someone good for me? I don't know. You tell me.

Being single never used to be this hard. In fact, that's what I liked about being single. It's so Simple, what ever happened to simple??? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Ya...my mind has been running since last Saturday when I read the letter he sent me saying that.

Can I see myself with him? Honest truth, no. But then I don't really know him at all. He's awefully cute for a bald guy (he likes it bald).  I think that I'm totally screwed for the moment.

R said he'd like to get to know me more, but then I don't know how to get to know the guy more. Its not one of my strong points when it comes to guys. My strong point is just messing around with them, having fun. Nothing else. If they want to reveal stuff to me, sure I'm open to listening 24/7. But I never do any digging myself. Even for guys that I'm interested in, even for my ex bf (first bf). I never did any digging at all. But then he was a clammed up little clam. So ya...wasn't much for me to work with. I have a deep respect for everyone and their privacy. I guess no one really sees that. But I've never been able to get "close" to anyone, same goes for vice versa. It's always hard for me to be close with anyone or allow anyone to be close to me.

Me ask questions, tried doing that with a past crush..not very successful at all. I try, but those aren't really the type of questions that you'd ask to become close to someone. Ya...Boxers or briefs type of question..doesn't give you much of a insight into someones life... Clueless, that's what I am. I don't know how to make a guy feel like I'm interested in him besides for just telling them the truth. That didn't prove well in my last attempt. In fact..that turned out really ugly.

Why don't I just give it a whirl if he does say he's interested in me? Because when I take on that position to be someones gf, I'm always serious and I make commitments. I'm loyal, trustworthy and passionate and caring. I'm not passive with people, events maybe, but something big like this isn't to be messed with.

Thinking and wondering too much... what a pain....Guys don't do this do they? If they don't...I wish I was a guy..hahaha...

*UPDATE*

lmao...I just read what he wrote me last night. It's quite amusing and surprising. The heads up question was answered with a: "I was giving you a heads up with the classes * lists 2 classes*. The too late part was pertaining to me having already taken them.

DOH!!!

This is a smart guy....I'll tell ya! He wont beat around the bushes, instead he comes out straight forward compared to alot of guys who absolutely wont take that road and confused the crap out of me. Thank you R you've done us (confused women) all a favor!  There are men out there that aren't butt heads/jerks/etc you name it. They do exist!!!! Well.......rare, but they do exist!

Then he asked me out for din din.

Peachey, I will never doubt your guidance ever!  

hmm I'll probably make another blog out of this...yeah...my whole thought process. haha..sorry gals! I think my mind has changed...this is gonna be another long one.