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  • how to help a friend?

    2007-11-01 6:44AM / 標準BLOG / experiences / 會員可以看
    15個評論

    today I received a phone call from my friend, K... she said she was confused and sad... I listened to her spill out her problem(s)... but I was tongue-tied... not sure how I could help her... or how to cheer her up... she said she called me b/c she thought I would be able to at least cheer her up... but I couldn't...  why? I think it was b/c I wanted to stay neutral on her problem... she was having a little problem with her friend B... and since I don't know B, I didn't want to say anything about her... but I also don't want to be "fake" to K... it was quite an awkward position for me, I thought... but these are all the people I will get to meet in HK (but I already know/met K before)... hopefully the problems would have been resolved by then... 

    actually this was not the first time I felt rather helpless... I've had friends coming to me with their problems, but I never have anything "meaningful" to say... it's not that I don't care... I guess I'm not good with words... but I am a very very good listener... I guess that's why my friends always come to me with their problems? but I feel bad when I am of no help to them... *sigh*

    but likewise... when I'm upset or confused, I like to be left alone... I stay away from people b/c I think I get pretty "ugly" when I'm sad and confused... I just put on my headphones and blast the music...

    how do you guys help a friend who comes to you with their problems?

BLOG評論 (15)

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  • cassfung
    cassfung
    留言於2007-11-06 3:11PM [举报]
    Sometimes things are beyond your control and even though it may not seem like you're helping, just being there to listen does make people feel better.
  • chen
    chen
    留言於2007-11-03 7:30PM [举报]
    listening is a very good way of helping a friend. it gives them a feeling that someone cares for them. sometimes, just listening is the best way rather than saying something bcoz you never know, what if you blurted out a word that would trigger her depression?? so i guess, you already helped her a lot.

    btw, if i have a problem, i speak to God through praying..i'm kinda the type of person who would rather deal with my problems alone and not let someone else get affected by it. it's not like i am ignoring help from others, it's just that it makes me feel more comfortable. nature helps a lot too.. =)
  • elisabeth
    elisabeth
    留言於2007-11-01 11:59PM [举报]
    hmmm...i usually do my best to listen and try to help problem solve. i hate leaving things unresolved, that's probably why i'm good at problem solving. the things w/friends is, sometimes they just need someone to listen...it was nice that your friend was direct in what she wanted. maybe see what she wants to do to cheer up...hang out, grab lunch/dinner, shopping - but just being there so that she can talk out her frustrations is really all she needs. best of luck and hope things go well.
  • snowsnow
    snowsnow
    留言於2007-11-01 1:20PM [举报]
    hey jane,a listener have done her a big favor, i think ,and you are a good listenter,actually you were helping her yet.
    i think my own problems only be solved by myself finally.
    so...............
  • vivo
    vivo
    留言於2007-11-01 12:43PM [举报]
    lending your ears or keeping them company already helps lots.. sometimes is best not to say much for they tend to hear nothing.. even if they do, there's also tendencies of them having misconceptions of what you meant.. especially if of a wrong timing..
  • lou
    lou
    留言於2007-11-01 12:30PM [举报]
    Most are not really looking for advice.  A hug or give your friend the undivided attention listening to her is more supportive than anything.
  • AsianChick100
    AsianChick100
    留言於2007-11-01 12:15PM [举报]
    listening is probably the best thing one can do. =)

    so you've got friends in HK too? wow, and she called you long-distance... you must be a good friend who knows how to listen!
  • Ailsa-Y
    Ailsa-Y
    留言於2007-11-01 10:13AM [举报]
    i think you should not be such compunctious for never saying 'meaningful' words. if your friends are in sad, actually they can hear nothing. what ever you says can do no use to relax them. they come to you, in order to tell out their unhappiness. you do as a good listener is the best way to help them.
  • pongza
    pongza
    留言於2007-11-01 10:09AM [举报]
    well personally, listening to them is more of what I'd do. If they are really in serious need of help and you can help them. Reason and give them a indirect answer. Too direct isn't a good idea. You want them to try to understand and not make them "have" to do as you say.

    But otherwise it is a hard call.
  • lc
    lc
    留言於2007-11-01 9:43AM [举报]
    yeah I agree with Peachey...sometimes they're not looking for you to solve their problem but listen to their problem?
    I had the same experience yesterday...a friend's father had a heart attack and is in the hospital...so sad, but I didn't know what to say either!  So I know exactly what u mean...I'm no good with words ...I'm afraid they might sound fake :(
  • sirendipity
    sirendipity
    留言於2007-11-01 9:08AM [举报]
    I think it depends on what the problem is and whether they actually want help or just someone to listen to their problems.  I'm the same as you, I'm a good listener.
  • peachey
    peachey
    留言於2007-11-01 7:40AM [举报]
    Maybe the person needs to vent more than wants helpful advice. A sympathetic ear is worth millions.
  • butter
    butter
    留言於2007-11-01 7:36AM [举报]
    I listen as well.  At lot times the person will just need to release and vent and just having someone to listen and be supportive is meaningful.  It is for me when I'm the one who's upset.  You may not be able to solve anyone's problems but just offering some support and a hug can help :)
  • Jaine
    Jaine
    留言於2007-11-01 7:06AM [举报]
    ya, I'm the same, a good listener but feel that I lack the words to say anything helpful.

    Sometimes all the person needs is a sounding board and doesn't necessarily need words or advice, just someone to listen while they work through the issues themselves.   Therefore by just listening you are being a good friend and are actually helping them!
  • dragontattoo
    dragontattoo
    留言於2007-11-01 7:02AM [举报]
    It's really hard. I've always been a listener, and I want to be able to solve my friends problems, but it is not aways possible, and I get upset, even have sleepless nights. At the end of the day some problems can only be sorted by them, we can listen but you are right that in some cases we need to stay neutral.

    For me helping is listening and hopefully giving them ideas they have not thought about over the problem. Perhaps their mind is so confused they just need someone else to help them find the solution

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